Phalgun 25 550 BCE Budhwar

I have lived the life of the world and all its pleasures for very long. I have tasted wealth, lust, and power and for a long time my heart remained a Samana's. I have become rich, I had money and knowledge, but no close ones. None but my Kamala. The pride that has been endowed on me has felt stronger than ever. I am clever and smart, more so than the child's people. I have learned how to wield power over people, over women, and over myself. I have learned to gamble and play dice and enjoy the dancing girls. However, I have felt a sense of longing and remorse. Like a veil of the thin mist settled upon me. Every day it grew thicker. My voice, my innermost voice, the one that had awaken me and guided me, where has it gone? Why has it grown so silent? This world held it captive. It restrained me. This longing, the assets, and the wealth had captured me. I have gone astray. I have lost myself. This would no longer be so! This, this game was not necessary! This game is Samsara, a game for children. Maybe nice to place once, twice or even ten times, but no longer! Something has died inside of me. When I was under the mango tree, I remembered much of Gotama, even Govinda. Then, I left. I know Kamaswami and Kamala must have worried for me, but I know that they realized that this world just is not for me. I will never forget Kamala; she taught me so many things and I hope that I will see her again some day.